Orange Party of X'mas

Sorry. No photoshop, no nice pictures.(haha)

X'mas day, we had party in Orange. That was really fun. Everybody bought food and gift. We ate together and exchanged gift. I got Clip Art from Katsuaki, which is so stylish. We played two games. Beer and Soda testing and guessing the words. My group tried hard, but we were not lucky enough to win, haha. We got last price which are two videos made by Masa and Tadami-san. I guess it supposed to be funny, but I couldn't understand why....en....anyway, Toshi will laugh when he watch it later. After the game, we just talked and some people danced. There were first price and second price left, so I palyed some game again to get the prices. Haha, lucky. I did. I got two CDs which made by Taiji-san. IINE.

It was a really nice and fun party. I enjoyed. Thanks for Taiji-san and Masa!!!

Merry Chrtismas !!

Chrtismas tree, chritsmas gift.


Merry Chritsmas Everyone !!

Today is Chritsmas. It is my 6th Chritsmas in America. As always, Chritsmas is kind of boring. The Chritmas in America is so different with the Chritmas in China. I am sure it is different with Japan too. My mom called me last night, she sounded so happy and she said ：Merry Chritsmas! She asked me what I am doing now since it was X'mas eve. I said nothing. She was kind of suprised and asked why I didn't go out and have fun. I said it was too cold outside. She said it was carzy in my hometwon, all young people went out and have fun, all clubs and pubs were full. I said that was a fake Chritsmas. Chritsmas is for family in America, not for friends. My mom laught and said it's alright for those young people, they don't care what is Chrtismas really for.

Yeah, I was I were in China. I could have much fun. Today, I did nothing much. But, I cooked for tonight. I was not going to 'cause I did make-up already. But, I thought for a while. Cooked anyway. Waiting for tonight's party now. It should be fun.

I am here !! I am here !!

Fianlly !!!

I can use my internet agian after two and half days. I was using my internet as normal on 20th. I can't remember what makes me wanna update my Window Media Player to 10.0, but I did anyway. I guess that is how all the problem started. After I updated it, computer asked to restart. So, I just did what computer told me to do. I restarted the computer and... ...COUDLNT'T GET ON the internet. At that moment, I knew something wrong with my computer. However, since my internet has been on and off often before, I didn't really consider as my computer problem. I tried everything that I tried before to put the internet back on, but no matter what I did, the internet was still off.

The next day, my manger came to check and Tadami-san came to help me out too. But, my internet was still not working. When I have internet, I always feel nothing. At the point that I couldn't use internet, I felt I needed it too much. I went to Sugi's room to check my email last night, and chatted with my Chinese friend who is in Osaka on MSN. She knows computer very well, and she asked me what was wrong with my internet. I told her everything, and she told me that she had same problem two weeks ago, it is cased by virus. She told me how to slove the problem and I did what she told me. Guess what! It works.

Finally. I can use my internet. I am so happy and thanks for everybody who helped me. My manger, Tadami-san, Sugi and My Chinese friend who named TUZI.

A Short talking

I saw one of my Taiwanese friend, who I use to be close with, on the MSN today. Haven't talk to her for long time, so I wanted to let her know about Ivy's news. I was just gonna tell her about Ivy and just gonna ask how is her doing, but our talking on MSN become a teach lesson from her to me. I mean in a bad way.

She asked me how I am doing. I said same as before. She said havent' see me for long time, so what is same as before. I told her that I am OK. Then... I don't know how, she gave my life a defintion which is messed up. I was suprised 'cause she just gave my life a definition without really know what's going on over here. This is my frist time feel that she is too much. I always think she is nice. I mean she is nice, but today I felt she was too too much.

She told me:" Because you don't trust yourself and others, that's why you got one, but want another one." I was like:" What thing are you talking about?" She is my ex-bf's best female friend, and I know they have close relation with each other still. She told me that she cares about me that why she said all those things to me. I thank her. I do thank her for care about me. But she doesn't even know half of the story about me.

Well. I really don't wanna have contact with ex-old-known-friends anymore. No more. No more.

Winter Break: NO MORE CLASS, BUT...

My winter break is started today. But I don't really feel anything. It is hard to believe that the semester is gone already. I feel like I will go to class on Monday.

I guess I finally can sleep longer everyday, and doing nothing.

Kind of boring ne. I am waiting for Tosih come back. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Oh my god.

Try, Just try..

<>

Just try to study about Phontoshop. I feel I know nothing about it, and can't make really nice pcitures. En... I don't know. I have to study more ne.

Visiting Ivy

GOD WILL BLASS U.

I went to hiospital to visit Ivy with Jae this afternoon. When we got there, Jae went to buy some drinks. Bon called me and told me he saw my car. Bon went to downstair to buy lunch. I was happy to see him, but worried about Ivy. So, I didn't know if I should smile to him or be sad to him. So, I guess I was kind of wired. Bon looked alright, we talked a littlie bit. We went to 7th floor which Ivy is in. Bon said Ivy is having a small surgery, so we had to wait in waiting room. Ivy's father and borther were there too. Her father looked relax and funny. I was expect her father be so worried and serious looking 'cause I know that will be how my father looks like. Ivy's borther is younger, I guess maybe same age as Bon. Both of them looked relax and nice, which was good.

After 20 mins, Jae and I went to see Ivy. I was kind of scared before I went into Ivy's room because I don't know how Ivy will looks like. I almost stop infront of the door, but I went into the door. And, I saw Ivy. Ivy lied on the bed, she looked so small. Her eyes were half open, half close. There were many cannulas get into her mouth, she had a patch on her head. I prepared to see bad condition, so when I saw Ivy's foot moving, I was happy. Her body was moving around slowly and she was yawning for couple times. I was so happy to see her like that. I went close to her and talk to her. When I called her name and told her I am Shanshan, I saw her uper body moved. I think she knows, she could feel us. I almost cried, but I contorl myself. It is not a good thing to cry at that point. Bon really took good care of her. I think Bon is the best one for Ivy. I was touching to see Bon take care of Ivy that much. Hard time for him and Ivy.

Ivy will be better soon, I think. She will be alright. Bon and Ivy will be back as before, like all normal couples, fight, love, kiss.

God, please blass them.

Final Week

Best wish from Japan.

How's everybody's final going?I finished my Japanese final. I guess I did alright, but I know my speaking was sucks. Well, I didn't really study for speaking, that's why it was sucks. I didn't really study for listerning and reading either, but I did alright 'cause the exam was much easiler than what we learned. Writing was hard, our writing exam was took home exam. We had to write 3 pages about our life, our school, japanese class ane friends. I guess I did alright too, but I used more than 3 hours to write the 3 pages. .... ...

Toshi is doing alright in Japan.

My Chinese friend, who was in VA with me, is working in OSAKA now. So nice. I get chance to talk with her on MSN, haha we talked in Japanese a little bit last night. She is a very nice and unique perosn. I only have 5 or 6 Chinese friends left in my life, and she is one of them. Well, wish everything goes good for her.

2 more fianls to go. En... ...

YASU!!!

En... When did we take this picture? I don't remember.

I found this picture in Masa's computer. Masa told me that is from Yasu. I was so suprised to see this picture after Yasu left UB half year. Yasu is so cute. I like him as a little boy, haha. He has very cute face when he smiles. Picture reminds me about him and the crazy spring of 2004. I am wondering what Yasu is doing now. Hope he is doing good.

Love from My Mom

The purple scarf from my mom, which warm up my heart.

My mom send a purple scarf to me with a letter, two books and one New Year card. I really like the purple scarf that my mom send to me. It is not a expensive or brand scarf. It is a very cheap thing, but it is the love from my mom. I use to feel nothing from whatever my parents did for me. But, after I am in love with Toshi and tried so hard to love him, take care of him. I can feel how my parents feel about me. I am appreciated the love from my parents and they supported my dections. Once I make up my mind for something, I won't change. My parents tried to understand me and support me. I really thank them for that. My father send an email to me and told me to remember no matter what will happen in future, I will always have a home to go back for. I was really touch by that.

I thank my parents for their love and care. Because of them, I can have a good life and a loving heart for Toshi and other people. I learned how to care about others and love others from the love of my parents. I love them much. I will keep my love for Toshi and others 'cause that is a part of love from my parents too.

The afternoon in NY

Shanshan And Enri. Enri looks cute ne! Shanshan looks so tired ne. ( I was)

12-8 was such a busy day.

I had Japanese class in the morning from 9:30 to 10:45. Then, I went to Masa's place for help. I needed to buy the airfare for Toshi from HIS, which all the Japanese know, it is the largest Japanese travel company. I could call HIS, but I thought someone who can speak Japanese will be easiler to talk to the sales. Masa just woke up, we had coffee while we were buying the airfare. The salesman name is Sasaki. Such a nice, well-known name. Masa talked with him about 20 mins and finally bought the airfare. I decided to go pick it up and sent to Toshi by myself because I think I better do the things which matters to me by myself. I send an email to my Pof. and told her that I couldn't go to the last class. And, then I thought about Enri. Since it is the week before final, all my friends who are students are busy. Enri has nothing to do everyday, and I think she would be boring in UB. I called Tadayoshi and asked Enri to go with me.

I planed to take 1:20 train to NY. Tadami-san asked me to take him to the parking place close to the train station, so he could pick up his yoko-san's car and then he could take Enri and I to the train station. I was kind of stupid and decided to go to the Bank before that. I went to the Bank and came back to pick up Tadami-san around 1:05. Then, dropped Tadami-san close to the parking place, and came back, called Enri, and waited for Tadami-san to come back. Tadami-san came back at 1:17, hahahahaha. Only 3 mins left, so Tadami-san speed to the train station, but too late. We saw the train went alway from the car. Tadami-san took us to Dunkin'Donuts' because we had to wait for a hour for next train. We had good chat over there for one hour. At 2:20, Enri and I got on the train to NY.

We arrived in NY at 3:40, and find the HIS so easy. We were surprised how big HIS is and how many people were working in there. Normally, I buy airfare in Chinese company, but all those Chinese company are small and not so profession looking. But, HIS looks great. That is one thing I like Japanese culture more than Chinese. Japanese people are so united and dedicated to their professions. Sasaki-san came to take care of us and he was really nice. After we came out of HIS, I found Kinko's, and send the airfare to Toshi. I hope Toshi can get it soon. It was around 5, Enri and I was hungry. So, we were looking for a place to eat, so hard to find one. Anyway, we found it later.

The funny thing was when we tried to go back to station. We were trying to take the 6:30 train back to Bridgeport, so we took the subway. However, we got lost. So, we planed to take the 6:35 and 6:58 trains, but we missed all because of the subway. We couldn't find the right subway to the train station. Fianlly, we took the taxi. Haha. We took some pictures in the taxi. I looked so bad, but Enri looked good. I was tired, so tired.

But, it was good. Fianlly, I send airfare to Toshi. I really hope everything will be alright for Toshi and I. We tried so hard this 4 months for each other and our own life. Also, I want give the best wish for Ivy. Ivy is still in coma. I just hope she will get well soon. Best best wish for her.

GOD will Bless you. Ivy Ganbate!!

Bon and Ivy (3-17-2004)

Friend GouLi called me tonight. I was having diner with Tadami-san and Masa. He told me that Bon's girlfriend, Ivy, had car accident yesterday afternoon with Ailen. Ailen was driving on high way around 4 p.m, and Ivy was with him. The road was icey, that was how the accident happened. Ailen is ok, but Ivy got hurt. She got cerebral concussion, and still in coma, haven't wake up yet. That is a frightful news to know.

I am worried about Ivy and also Bon. I am sure Bon loves Ivy a lot, and he must be so worried and hurt. I called him and he told me he is OK. I know he is not. I can't even think what if Toshi and I in that kind of situation. It must be so hard.

I wish everything will be alrigt for Ivy, and hope she would get well soon. God please bless Ivy and Bon.

Final Two Weeks

From yesterday to next Friday is our final two weeks.

I already finished two of my classes and one final paper. But, I still have a long way to go. My most fear is Japanese class. It became hard after mid-term and I couldn't really follow up as before. I am having some hard time with it, and hoping I won't do too bad at this end. Speech class is good, I have one more fianl speech to make, but it won't be a problem for me and I know I am getting A from that class.

Other classes are in the middle, I don't think they will be so bad or so good. This senmester was hard, I hope everything will become good from this point. I really hope so.

GANBATE NE!!!!

UNH Dance Show

Masa, Katusaki, Mayu and I went to UNH to see the Dance show which Soul Beat should be in. We left UB around 7:20. I had to stop two times for gas. When we got there, it's almost 8. And, we couldn't find where the place is. I asked a student and he led us to there. There was many people outside of the hall. We found out that there were not enough seats left, they only would take 21 people more. Lucky, we were the last four!!!

The dance Hall is very small, only 1/4 of UB's. But it was all full. People were exciting about the dance show. Well, it was not too bad, but was not too good enough. We video typed more of the shows. It was fun to see people make mistakes, haha(i am so mean), but some of the dancer should had done must better. There were so many girls, but not many guys. Soul Beat guys should have to there, they will make everyone so exciting.

The show, which is not so good, but it was fun. After the show, we went to eat and talked for long time. It was fun.

But, I really need to study this week. Final is coming!!

Late Night Moive Channel

Late Night Moive Channel. I cry everything I heard it. It is a very beautiful Chinese song. Here is the Lines for Non-Chinese friends:

Don't Let Love go
I am stilling waitting
The heart is still preparing the final plan
Bring back the past days,
bring them back from the beinging
Don't say Goodbye
My heart start to crying
Late night moive channle
Listen to their dialogue
The pain of be apart
Breaken hearts but cannot be helped
Can't love each other
Oh. No
I can't say Goodbye
My heart start to crying
I am still waiting
The commonness future
and
The color of the past times
Oh. No
I can't say Goodbye
My heart start to crying
I am still waiting
The commoness future
and
The old times return.

做了什么? 做错了什么?

最近,一直在问自己.这一两年来,我到底在做什么? 做了些什么,做错了些什么.

看我现在的样子,我没有做对什么事.如果有做对的话,现在是考验,还是惩罚?

真得心力交瘁了. 所以才打算用中文来写这篇文章,也许心中的那种苦楚,只有能看得懂中文的人才能通过我的文字感受到吧. 这两天没去上课,从感恩节开始,就在家里一个人哭泣. 眼睛已经经过千锤百炼了,不会红,也不会肿.皮肤也不会再有什么不良反应,完完全全的有了抗体.只是那颗心,那颗心再怎么,也经不起泪水的袭击.该破的地方还是破了.

算是已经很累了吧.张着嘴巴,却不能说话.从喉咙中出来的,只有尖锐的呐喊.刺痛我的耳朵,我的灵魂. 我问上天,到底要我怎么样,用哭泣的声音问上天,用无助的眼生看上天. 上天不语,只是出这刺眼的太阳,笑眯眯的看着我.看着我的眼睛被强烈的阳光刺出了泪.

有时候大脑已经不受自己的控制, 疯疯癫癫的过日子.想起很早以前就觉得傻子应该活的更快乐,也想起很久以前,觉得自己这身应该在山上的尼姑庵度过. 有那些想法的时候,我还没有18岁吧. 居然能够看到未来.

苦闷.

忠由说, 从电话中听出我的伤痛.
君敏说, 从照片中看出我的伤痛.

还有多久? 才能逃出去?

我反反复复得问自己, 我做了什么? 做错了什么? 这是考验, 还是惩罚?

TOO STRONG

Today's sunshie too strong... hurting my eyes.

PAIN

PAIN PAIN. MY HEAD WAS PAIN YESTERDAY. PAIN. PAIN

Thanksgiving

What a picture!

This thanksgving was nice. I went to Orange for thanksgiving diner. Everybody had to bring something, so I cooked steam egg. Everyone liked it. Party was nice, but I felt stressed. Well, I always feel stressed.

I remember last thanksgiving. I went to party in Orange too and cooked Chinese food too. Toshi was there too.......

... ... ... anyway... ... ...

Later!

Becuase of Unknown, I am Scared

UNKNOWN FUTURE

I am not that kind of person who plan the future, but I do have a big idea of what might happen in the future normally. Everybody does, right? I think everyone has a big idea of future in their mind. But, I can't image any big idea for the future now. I don't know what will happen next. When you don't know what will happen tomorrow, you will feel scared. I am. I don't know anything about tomorrow. I don't even know what kind of life I will be in.

Why we have to go through all those things that no other people have to go through? Are we really have that much sin that we have to be tortured by life? God. I don't know. Unknown future is really makes me scared.

I only hope everything will be alright. I try to be strong, I have to be strong for others. If both of us are weak, we are not gonna go through this hard time. It is so hard, but I will try my best to go through. Oh, God. It is hard.

I GET A PICTURE !!!

I get a picture of Foxy o.. Take me so long to get his picture. I always want to have a picture of him, but I always forget bring my camra with me. Fianlly, I remember and he was there waiting for me. I took couple pictures for him, but he turned his face away every time. This is the best that I got. Well. Foxy is cute... I am keep giving him food.

Born 2003 - Die 2004

I like this bowl a lot, it was my favored !

It died. In Chinese saying, everything has its begining and its ending, inculde a chair, a TV or a bowl. My faoved bowl just reached his ending a day before yesterday. I was sad, honto. I have a lot of feelings for things that I like a lot. It might be really funny for you guys, but I cried when I saw him on the floor in three parts. I know it is kind of too much, but once I cried when I burned my favored towel.

I bought this bowl when I went to Boston last winter with Toshi. I like it a lot and used it for all my dinner. He was a good bowl. I didn't throw him away. I keep it in my room, maybe I can find someway to fix it.

GOOD BOWL, GOOD NIGHT.

The Biggest One So Far

It's hurts today.

I have to work hard in Soul Beat. I can't get some of the moves easily, but I do wanna be good at it. I know it takes time, but just wanna try my best for it.

I think I will wear something to portact my shoulder next time. It was ok before, but now it is kind of hurt if I touch.

Anyway, I am so so so tired now. Today's Soul Beat is the most tired one so far. I need to sleep soon.

Dreaming Kafka 託夢的卡伕卡

Kafka is big now, but he just sleeps most of the time.

Winter is coming. Kafka sleeps much more than before. He wakes up sometimes, but goes back to sleep soon. I did't put any water in the tank because I think he doesn't need water and he doesn't wanna water either. Since, he doesn't move a lot, I just give him food once a while and he didn't even eat that much.

One night of this week, I dreamed about Kafka. Kafka was hang on a truncheon which above my head. He was moving around and tried to go down. I looked at him and he put his front feet on my head, above my eyes. I felt pain above my eyes, and I took look at Kafka, his nail was hurting me. It was so pain and I woke up because of it. After I woke up, I still can feel the pain. I felt strange about it, and went to website to check what does it means about dreaming Kafka. The website didn't say that much, and I forget about it soon later.

That afternoon, I came home and saw Kafka woke up. I gave some food to him, but he didn't eat. Then, I was thinking maybe he need water, so I got some water for him. While I put water in the tank, I saw a lot of small flies came out of the tank!!! I was spruised and took good look inside of the tank. Guess what I saw?? A lot of small molluscs!!!! I felt so sick!!! I took tank to cleaning up, and it took more than 30 mins. I think what happened is I thought the tank was dry, no water at all, but the fact is there was some water between the stones. And, I gave the food, but Kafka didn't eat, so all those food produced the molluscs.

Later that day, I remember the dream about Kafka. Oh, my god. Did Kafka try to tell me that he was in pain in my dream? So, he used his nail to hurting me? Well, I am happy that he told me by the dream before it is too late. But, it is still odd for me.

中国朋友们怎么想？这算是卡夫卡托梦给我吗？梦境实在是太奇妙了，深不可测！！

TRY, TRY, TRY, I REALLY TRIED!!

My hurts from Soul Beat

This is what I got from Soul Beat!!!
And, this is just a part of it. My others are on my shoulder, lower back and other places.
I wanna do good in Soul Beat. I never really did anything good, so I wanna try hard this time. Also, for my life too.
So, no matter how much hurts I will get from Soul Beat and the Life. I will keep going and going! Never give up o!!
Ganbaru!!

I am... ...Crying Mon Chi chi

My favored Mon Chi chi. So cute when she cries.

I am honto crying Mon Chi chi now. I got a D for my last Japanese quiz, which made me so upset and disapointed at myself. But, Japanese class is getting harder and harder, that is for real. I know I didn't study as hard as before mid-term, which is really not good.

I am too emtional, so easy change my plan or life because of my emtion. I have to change that part of me too. It is hard, it is hard.

Well, I am still trying. Just like the song which we are using for soul beat " I try ": I try, I try, I try, you know I try....".

Nobody - Snow - Fat

Nobody came to nail salon for there two days. Too COLD!! I only had 5 customers yesterday and 7 today. It is not good for me 'cause I can't make much money if there is nobody. But, I got time to study. I am re-studying Japanese. I kind of got left behind after mid-term, that I feel it is time for me to catch it up before it will be too late. I have to study hard for Japanese, that will be part of me in the furture, like English.

Last night, as everybody know, was so cold!!! So cold. I didn't wanna go out at all, so I stayed home, ate noodle for diner and sleep. This morning, I saw snow outside that I was suprised. It wasn't a lot, but still. Luckly, today is not that cold. Much better that yesterday. Oh, Panashie's hair got longer because of winter. So, she looks fatter than before which is good, looks cute.

Well, Panashie is not getting fat, but I am. I think I am. I dont' want be like last winter. I was fat last winter, so I control whatever I ate. I didn't ate any sweet after 8 pm or 9 pm. But, I still think I got fat a little bit. I can't do anything about it, I know it is because of the winter. The korean lady who works in the nail salon told me that when woman get older, their body change too. They are easlier to get fat and hard to lose the fat. Oh, my god. She is only 5 years older than me. I have to keep eyes on myself. I think I will try to work out more, be fit, be fit!!!

Anyway, GANBARU O, MOMO!!

Hate, I DO NOT hate

I don't hate.

How can I hate?

That's one part of you;
That made you as you;
You won't be you without that part;

Hate.

I do hate.

How can i don't hate?

That's one part of you;
That's one part of you which came with you and will be gone with you too;
That's a part of you which no one can change;

Hate?

I don't hate.

How can I hate?

I am deeply in love with you.

No.

I dont' hate.

I will never do.

ONLY U CAN ... ...

かわいい！！大好き！！

I still miss you a lot. After 3 months apart, I miss u even more than before. I was depressed because of the reality life, the lonlness, the sad mood of miss you. But, you made everything so beautiful again.

How can you have a power like that?

Thank you for everything, and I will keep trying my best for you, for myself, for the future.

DL

sOuL BeAt ... ... is a go!!

SOUL BEAT LOGO: designed by 島原正列

I went to Soul Beat today which I should go two times a week, but I haven't. I like to go Soul Beat for real, I am just so lazy sometimes or something came up.

From last week, Soul Beat became harder. We have to do some hard moves which Mai and I have problems to doing it. It is hard for girls, but we wanna try our best. So, we kept trying and trying. I got hurts all over my body, my necks, my shoulder, my back. So hurts. I am sure Mai feel hurts too.

However!!!! We will keep trying 'cause Soul Beat is a go!!! Go, go, go!!!

Anyway. I am tired becasue of Soul Beat. I have to go sleep now. Class tomorrow morning.

When Jazz meet Wine

I am depressed since yesterday. And, couldn't find a way out. For some people, they are tired to hearing this. They told me that I am always sad or depress. I am not.

But, yesterday and today, I have being.

I can't open myself agian. Not even to Risa or Masa. I can't show my real inside agian, and only can cry alone agian. Sometimes, just cry for no reasons; sometimes, wanna cry but no more tears.

Guess what. I am listerning to Jazz and drinking Wine. I can't drink at all. I just drunk a little bit, my face is red already. I just wanna relax, I wanna be able to forget so many things. Jazz is good. I like Jazz a lot. My mood, my mind, flowing with the music. I know what I need to make this time perfect: smoking. Can I? Am I? Should I? I am not smoking right now.

Cry me a river... ... Let me fall... ...

Phone Call From LA

I got phone call from my high school friend who I met again in US and now in LA. He is going to Marine Corps tomorrow morning. He told me about it around 2 months ago, and I was suprised by his decision.

He is a very funny guy in a good way. The first time I met him when I was 16, and I found out that his birthday is 3-15, which is one day ealier than mine. We became nice friends, and then I came to US. After I came to US one year, he came too, and we became classmates agian. We didn't really hang out a lot, but everytime we met, we would have great fun time. After two years in VA, he went to LA. We call each other sometimes, and keep our friendship good. He always sounded happy even the life of his wasn't that good. He didn't go school after went to LA and became full time waiter. We all know who hard it is being a waiter if you worked in US as waiter. He always, really, always sounds this life is beautiful.

Today, he called. I heard one sad sound from him, and I asked him what happened. He told me that he is going to Marine Corps tomorrow morning for 3 months. I heard the sadness from the cell. I care about him 'cause I don't know if he willl go to the war after 3 months or not if there will be a war. I don't wanna lose a friend like him.

I guess both of us didn't feel so happy. We kept silents for a while. I told him to take care of himself, and hope the best for him. Well, Best for him for real. God bless you.

BAD HAIR DAY

BAD BAD BAD

I am having a very bad hair day. I took a shower last night before I sleep as all other days. I use to take shower in the morning, but I don't have enough time these days. Besides, I style my hair everyday, so I don't have to care what my hair looks like in the moring after I wake up. However, I think I am wrong. My hair looks so bad this morning!! So bad!! No matter how I style it, it looks bad!!

I went to Japanese class with this hair, and I am going to my afternoon class soon. I think I will wear a hat or something to cover my hair. Maybe I should wash it in the morning again,but I might not have enough time ne... ...

Winter Fat

I think I am getting fat. I always feel ate too much for diner from last week, and I can't help with it. I ate a full bowl of Pasta, which I didn't think I can eat all. After that, I ate ice cream... ...! Tonight, I ate one small hot&Sour Soup and small beef Lomian. After that, I ate cake which Risa bought from NY. The cake was good, I like it, but I ate too much again!!I remember that I was fat last winter becuase I ate too much sweet during the night, but I didn't eat any sweet during late night, I shouldn't get fat ne!

Look at the picture. My face was fat!!! I hope I won't be fat so much this year. I think I have to control my eating now. En... cannot be fat!!!

Leaving leaves

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I was suprised to see all those beautiful leaves fell from the tree just a week. There were two trees which had full of nice yellow leaves around student center. I looked at them everytime, I passed them by. They were so pertty, shining under the sun, like yellow gold. They were just nice looking.

This week, I was walking pass by those trees. And, I saw there are nothing left on the thees. I didn't know they would fall that soon. Anyway, after leave. The snow will come.

Foxy

Foxy is a wild cat who live outside of my house. Toshi and I named her/him Foxy because she/he looks like a fox. Foxy is a very cute and nice cat. She/he is bigger than Panashie, and has black and white long hair. She/he is always around my house, and everytime she/he saw me, she/he will run to me and push my legs.

Tonight, I was kind of upset. I was going to Soul Beat, but because of my mood, I changed my mind. I went out of my house, and stayed on the stars, looked at the coolish night. Foxy saw me from another house, and she/he ran to me. I always like her/him, so I went to upstar and got some food for her/him. Foxy was eating like carzy, and I just looked at the road, felt the wind of tonight. After eating, Foxy jumpped to my legs, and stayed there for long time. She/he didn't wanna to leave. I was touching foxy's body and talking to her/him. I feel kind of carzy, that talked with a cat. But, I need to speak my feeling out, and I don't wanna show my that feeling to human beings. Human beings are good at judge people while they are sharing their feelings, but cat just a good listener. At this point, a good listener is much better and important than a good judger.

I wanna take Foxy home, but I can't take care of two cat. I like Panashie anyway even she only eat and sleep at the most of time. I think I need to take a shower. Foxy wasn't clear o!!!!

Where is the End?

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So tired, right? We all walk by ourself and try to walk fast and strong. No stop and no relaxing. Where are we going? At lease, I don't know. Do I suppose to know? Yes. Do I know for sure? No. Where am I going? Why I trying so hard for? The belif.

Wake up, Call, School, Home, Call, Home, Call, Cry, Sleep, Wake up.

Where is the end? I am tired. But, I will keep going until the end comes.

I WANNA LONG HAIR!!!!!!

I WANNA LONG HAIR YO!!!!

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Today, I bought the wig for party. I put it on, and I like how I look!!! I always forget how did I look in long hair. My hair was kind of this long before, but i cut it short. Now, my hair is too short and I don't hate it but I just perfert longer hair.

I guess it is good that I changed my hair style around many times, so I can know which kind of hair style fit me the most. I think longer hair fits me the best. I will grow my hair long now. I like long hair always.

I hope I don't look so bad now with this short hair. I really like the long hair o, maybe I will just wear the wig even after the party!!! Hahahaha!!!!

Too silly to wishful

5 things that too silly to wishful, but I am obsessed.
1. Jaly. I don't know why I like her so much. Well, I like beautiful girls. I think I like her because she is just a normal girl. Because she is normal, it is unbelieveable that she can be so beautiful.

2. Dream world. I don't like this world which I live in. Sucks, sucks, sucks.

3. Japanese school uniform. This is so silly. Well, I remember the first time I saw Japanese school uniform when I was really young. And, I thought everyone will have an uniform like that when we become older. Sadly, not really. I always wish my school can offer us nice uniform. Well, my high school did offer us uniforms, but I don't really like them. Now, I am passed the age to wear school uniform. It just a uncoming true dream for me now. It is too silly to wear one right now even if I have chance.

4. Childhood. I wish I could be a kid forever. I wish I could back the time before my family became rich, became cold, became no more love.

5. Forever love. Is there forever love? I don't know. What a dream, right? Can I just dream forever?

Run Run 600

Little Colorful

Finally, The little colorful is MINE!!!

I got the little colorful last SEP. , but I never change the title under my name. So, druing the whole year, the little colorful was belong to someone elase. I like the little colorful a lot, finally, I decided go thought all those DMV goverment paper stuff. I went to DMV this morning, and got the title changed form. Then, the guy told me I have to have the insurance frist. So, I went to Nationwide , which was used by my friend before. The price was too high for me, I don't think I can pay that price. I went home and my friend told me there is a cheaper insurance company, so I called and their price is $500 lower. Of cause, I bought the insurance from that company. Then, I went back to DMV. There was a long line, and I saw Shotaro and Kasu infront of the line. They were there for car stuff too. I waited for more almost 2 hours to get everything. And, I get a new plate!!! Yeah, yeah, the little colorful is mine now!!! I spend more than $600 to get the little colorful ne. SO expensive.

I feel old now, I have to do all those things that adult do. I never think I am an adult, well, I nevre wanna be one, but I feel I have to be one and trying to be a one this year. I need to ne!! Anyway!!! Little colorful!!! Work hard o!! Love u , love u.

The Day Finally Come

Another of my few good friends, Chun(チュン）

I came to this country ( USA ) with her six years ago, and she was only 19 and I was only 18. We went to same school in VA ( Can went there too), and became good friends. She is always study hard, work hard and live hard. I think she is the only girl who I know that never enjoy to shopping and always try to saving the money for better things. She is so different with me. I am the one who don't wanna grow up and she is the one who try to grow up. Of cause, she did much better job than me.

After she left VA at the yeat 1999. She get up go school and started work. She met couple guys and finally got married at the year 2001 ( I think). She has her first baby(Aripl Lei). At the same time, I went to school noramlly, and had frist boyfriend, and break up, and transfered to UB... ... She couldn't go back to China 'cause she failed her F-1 visa. Fainlly, she got her green card this fall and she is going back to China the first time of the 6 years!!

It is a such a long time! But, I am really happy for her because she has almost everything a woman wanna. A rich husband, a happy family, a cute child, a relaxing life and many good friends. So nice.