Key to My Karma: May 2010

5/09/2010

Everything happens inside of you

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There is something bothers me. I am in love. I am in love with Mr.B. That put my self-doubt and confidence from high to low. I start to be worried by other women, be worried by how other women might take him away from me or maybe he will go away with other women.

I just don't want to lose him, and lose a good chance to have a good relationship, a family that I dream to have, a good man, finally, a good man. I don't want to fall in love with some kind of assholes again, or someone who can't be a father or stupid. Mr.B seems to be perfect. I am scared of using the word "perfect" because I know nothing is perfect. Do I actually don't trust him, don't trust other women, or just don't trust love? Do I still believe in the power of love? Do I still believe that love can conquer everything? Do I still believe that a man could love and only love one woman in his life time? Do I still believe that a man wouldn't cheat on his loved ones?

I am scared. Every time when I feel the power of love push my heart close to Mr.B's, I am afraid. To be hurt, to be lost, to go back to the old road that once I was walked on. I don't want to feel jealous, worries, distrust and so on. If all those are love will bring, am I willing to take all those?

I love Mr.B. I want to have a family with him. Couple children, a dog, 2 cats. God, am I wishing too much? I just want to be happy, to have a normal 30 years old woman has. I am tired of being a teenager. I want to have a family with someone loves me truthfully and deeply.

No matter who you are, how rich you are, how beautiful you are, how famous you are, in front of love, you are a little baby face a big wall.

Love, and to be loved. Never be hurt by anyone, anytime, anyhow.

May God be with you.

5/03/2010

Blue Mood

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Haven't been here for a while. My days have been busy, and my HP computer is keeping have problem get connected with the wi-fi from Starbucks which stress me out a little bit and I finally decided to just not bring the laptop to work.

Life hasn't been too bad for me so far. Mr.B is treading me great. We went to Mitsuwa in NJ yesterday and he bought me to the rotate sushi restaurant which I always wanted to go. Then took me to a huge mall in NY. Mr.B is full of surprising, and always a such gentleman to me. I guess from the day when we started dating, I always felt that he is a good man to be with for rest of my life.

Keep it real

"Sue Sylvester’s not afraid to shake things up. You know, I am tired of hearing people complain, “I am riddled with this disease,” or “I was in that tsunami.” To them I say, shake it up a bit. Get out of your box. Even if that box happens to be where you’re living. I’ll often yell at homeless people, “Hey, how’s that homelessness working out for you? Give not being homeless a try, huh?” You know something, Ohio? It’s not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down. Tell you that you shouldn’t have bothered in the first place. But let me tell you something. There’s not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday they will. "