Happy Birthday~~ My dear Grandmother~

New year is coming. Jan 1st is the first day of 2006~!! It also is my grandmother's birthday~! This year, my grandmother is 82 years old now~!

I love my grandparents a lot. I spend my childhood living with them. My parents were both very busy at work. I lived with my grandparents every summer. I remember that I use to sleep beside my grandmother. My grandmother would tell me one story per night. I spend a lot of good time with them. Day by day, time passed fast. I noticed my grandmother is getting shorter and shorter, then I found out that I am getting taller and taller. My grandmother use to holding my hand while we acorss the street, I started to holding her hand later. When I go shopping with my grandmother, she always don't let me hold anything because they were too heavy. Later, I started hold everything for my grandmother because they are too heavy.

The year of 2003, I went back home during summer. All family together for my grandfather's birthday. I was waitting for grandmother come at outside of party place. I saw my grandmother was holding by my borther, walking so slowly and carefully, arcoss the street. She looked so short and old. I was almost cry out. For all those years that I stayed in U.S, the only thing make me feel bad is missing the time to spend with my grandparents. I love them a lot, and want to be with them a lot. I miss the way my grandmother talk to me in Hei-Nan language(grandmother's hometwon), I miss the noddles and vegs. than my grandmother cook. I miss she always fight with grandfather.

Happy Birthday~! Grandmother, I really give best wishes for you. Live Strong and health. Please wait for me to come back. I love you much~!

Gift from Santa~

Because of my own reason, I didn't make so many friends or I made but couldn't keep for long. I was thinking about it last night. Yes, I haven't go out from my room for three days already. No one called me or asked me to hang out with them. The only person that I can (only should) call is Sugi. New Chinese housemates are talking and laughing in their room. In those three days, I didn't talk to anyone, I started to eat whatever, take long hot shower, sleep around 11 p.m., hold panashie for sleep, being depressed.

I told myself that maybe I am best for marriage. Best at giving love to husband and children; or I should find a busy job and live in the city with my parents. What is the meaning of my life? When my new life just start, I feel died already.

I got flower from Santa on Xmas night. I keep it well, the flowers are all opening now. I can taste the sweets of them. Panashie likes them too. She tried to eat them up, and I had to woke up during the night and stopped her.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2005. Woo...

Merry X'mas 2005

Today is X'mas. Merry X'mas.

X'mas for me is just a holiday for lovers and friends. As most of Asian counrties, X'mas is not our holiday, it is from the west side. Yes, I never had X'mas before I was 12 or 13. There were no such a thing as western counrties' holiday. I don't remember all my X'mas.

Well, of cause I remember the first X'mas in U.S.A. That was touching and sad. I was living with my host family, Milo and Viola. They were in their 60s, very kind and warm couple. Around X'mas time, so many of their friends came to visit them. Friends came with greeting and food. I like Milo and Viola a lot 'cause my favored American hisotry time is 30s and 40s, and they come from that time of America. Viola is a good wife, she cooks a lot and so good food~! She makes colthes too and she bought food to me when I just got up. Haha. I had my breakfast in bed the frist time. Their childrens and grandchildrens came for X'mas eve. We had diner together, and they shared gifts with each other. And, I took a family picture for them...that was the time I felt so sad...I missed my family..haha....But, I got my X'mas Gfit~! that was a oil lamp...well...I don't know how to use...still...

Nothing so special this X'mas. I stayed with Panashie, ate egg and soup for diner, went to bed around 11:30.

Hahaha....what can I say? I had a normal day of X'mas. Hope next one won't be like this.

MERRY X'MAS~!

Winter Life Day by Day

I didn't know that I will have a break for this winter. But, I do. I asked my boss how long is the winter break for him, he said from this friday until Jan. 3rd or 4th. "Just come back after two weeks." He said to me....ok....than's more than 14 days....14 days out of money....

Ok....expect weekends, I am gonna miss 11 days of work. That means I am gonna lost more than 400 dallors...woo....that's a lot of money...I decided that not using any more money during the winter break. I have enough food to live, and no worry about rent. This Christmas and New Year, I will live with Kimchi~!~!(oh, I don't have kimchi...)

I am re-studying Japanese agian. It's harder than I thought. I am using my Chinese textbook for studying, which is easiler than American textbook. The one problem that I have is that I knew a lot of garmmar already, I can't follow the textbook and always want to jump to later chapters. However, Chinese textbook includes a lot of new words. If I jump to later chapters, I would have to remember a lot of words. This thing make my study slow down...

Well...I have to try and keep doing it. Ganbate ne, lazy shan~!

$$$700, oh my god

I went to fixing my car today.

As so many people know that my car has a lot of problem. I thought about fix it, but always worried about money. Luckey Star told me that I should fix the car because if bad things happened, it will be my own bad...that's right. I went to fix it.

En....cost me $700....a lot...

Mufflers three parts broken...
Changed Oil...
Transmission Service.....
Air Filter change....
left front tire change...
computer balancing....

woooo....
fixed a lot part...but still i have to fix the lock, the oil light can't be fixed, and what more?...

it's expensive, but as long as it is good for my car, it is good.

winter is here, snow will be here soon agian...little colorful~ganbate~

P.S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY EYE~!

Eye to look

my left eye

My left eye is not well....
ha...
I will go to check tomorrow...
hope everything will be ok.

Well...
My student life is over....after 25 years, it is final over...
I am worried now. It has been a long time for being a student, and it
become my life style.
Now. I am not student anymore, my life of cause is changed.
For this reason,
I am so worried.

Right now,
So many things happen in my life, and so many chooses that I have to make.
I feel tired.

This winter break, let me take a break.

Past Smile

Chie and I

I was looking at my old pictures. My old picture....

I was not so fashion, I was wear no make-up, my hair was no style. Yeah. I got make-up every day now, think a lot about what should I wear, how my hair look like, or I look fat now...Well, I don't know if I look better than before, maybe I do, but there is one thing that I don't have anymore compare to before. Not my age, but that kind of smile...

I don't see my old smile anymore. I took a lot of pictures now, but I don't feel that I smiled as much as before. When I look at old pictures, my smile is big, and I feel the happy from the picture. I can be sure that I was happy when I took the picture.

How about now? I don't know. I still smile as much as before, but am I happy inside? Maybe I am. Maybe hard time does kill the younth and happinese.

Happy B-DAY~ MY DEAR FATER

12/01, it was my father's b-day. 55~! 55 years old now.

My father was born in 1950. He had so much up and down in his life. While my father was growing up, the history made unforgettable marks on him. My father is a very strong, but warm heart man. He seems so coolish to other people, always make others afraid of him. But, he loves children a lot, and always cares about others.

I was afarid him when I was young. My father told me more than once that the way of showing love is different between man and woman. I know he wanted to say that he loves me, but he just couldn't. Until the day, I went to America. I think he felt that I am leaving him, and he is losing me. The frist time, he said to me, I love you.After I came to America, I met a lot of people. People loves me, hates me. But I always know that my father is the only man who loves me forever and can give up everything for me.

Now, My mother is 50, father is 55, and I am 25...sometime I really wanna go back to childhood, when my left hand was held by mother, right hand was held by father, three people walk on the stree with smile and warm feeling.

The day might never come agian...I lost a lot of unforgettable moments.

Happy b-day, father.
I LOVE U.