A MOTHER’S LOVE

Racheal walked in the room quietly, and she said hi to me in a small voice. I couldn’t ignore her eyes were red. I turned back to her while she walked to her desk: “Racheal, did you cry again?” She looked at me, and I could see she was tearing up again.

Racheal is from Vietnam, and I think she has been in US for more than 20 years. We talked a little bit at work,but I didn’t have to ask questions about her family since she is willing to tell everyone about her son. She loves her son, who is a 25 years old marine in training, also a dad of 2 years old daughter.  Racheal loves her son so much that she is very sad that her son is in Marine and has to be away from home.

“Don’t cry, Racheal. It is ok.”I tried to comfort her as a daughter who has been away from home for 13 years:”Where did he go?” Racheal tried not to cry out loud:”He was at South Carolina and now he is going to Virginia.” “Oh, come on. Racheal. He is just in Virginia. Still in America. You can go to see him anytime you want to.” I said back to her in a loud voice with a little bit disappointment. Racheal said in a small voice back:” Yeah… I know.”

I thought Racheal was making a scene because for me that she could go see her son so easy and her son is just 4 hours flight away. As for me that I couldn’t see my mom so easy and Racheal’s reaction was like a joke. I said to her:” You can see your son so easy. My mom is in China. What do you think how my mom feels?” Then, it hit me. The first time in 13 years, I realized that I never really thought how my mom feels about I am being so far away.

I couldn’t help but thought if Racheal was crying because her son was 4 states away from her, then how many time had my mom cried all those years because of missing me? A sour feeling pushed up to my throat and I pushed the feeling down so my eyes wouldn’t tear up. I had cried because of missing my mom many times, but this was first time that I wanted to cry because I felt how she felt of missing her child through Racheal. First time of 13 years that I admire my mom because I know she was so brave that she let her only child go away from her for the child’s good. I don’t know how that feels to be a mom who has to let a child go, but I had let loved ones go and I know it isn’t anything near to a fine feeling.

For a long time, my mom is so ordinary for me. She isn’t wise like my dad; self-confident as my aunt or pretty as my aunt-in-law. She is just a good mom for me who spoils me, loyal to my dad, take care of my both side of grandparents. Nothing more than that. Maybe I am getting older, I first time see my mom as this great woman who is so brave.

Is this the greatest love ever? Raising and loving her child unconditional, trusting and supporting  her child 100%, let her child go and let her child to be who she wants to be. I have so many friends whose parents never allow them to move away from home, never allow them to date different race, or never allow them even choose a life of their own. My parents let me to do all those things. I think this is the greatest love ever. Not only my mom, but my dad too. He misses me as much as my mom and maybe even more.

I am just so grateful that I have parents like them. They are the best thing that ever happen to me. I am just so grateful. Hope Racheal will see her son soon, and same wish goes to my parents.

SINGLE STEP

After the hard works on Sunday with Bobby and Brian, we moved everything from my old apt 22 to the new apt 45 at once. We didn’t have to make 2 trips and were able to get a lot of done. I am very happy about that, and appreciated for their help. They were great!

Brian’s place is great. I have to say it is the biggest place that I have had lived so far after I came to US. I used to always live in a dorm room or a single room in a house, and I felt pretty lucky when I moved in my last apt, a small studio, thought it was big for myself. Now, I moved in this 3 floors townhouse with 2 bed rooms, 1 and half bathroom, kitchen with dinning room, washer and dyer, and I am happy that I am sitting on a sofa in the living room.

And, Brian has been so helpful. He tried to cleaning up, organizing and reorganizing his stuff for my arrive. It was a very different experience to walk in his place. This is also the first time that I move into a MAN’s place, so I have to say here is a man’s place.:-) Not in a bad way. I asked Brian if I can put my girlish elements into the place, he agreed without thinking. How great is that!! I understand that I can’t get all my girlish elements in here, pink rose bed sheet is not accepted.

I am glad that we moved in together. I have always been a girl because I never really lived with a man. I could keep being as girly as I could. I am sure it was same for Brian too. He could keep being as boyish as he wanted. But now, we have to “grow up”. I need to put my pink rose bed sheet aways, and he needs to put his action figures away.

Back to 2007, I bought the door sign for my apt. “The Journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step—Lao Tsu”. Yes. It is a very famous Chinese saying from thousands years ago 『千里之途，始于足下』.When I was lost back that time, I told myself that I should just take my time, regain myself, don’t mess things up again and make steady solid step once at a time. When I saw that door sign at Target , I know I have to get it as a reminder for myself everyday when I walk into to recover myself and walk out to battle the world.

I took the sign with me to this new place, and I will hang it on the door again (if Brian doesn’t mind or the Condo management allows it). I will always keep it in mind “The Journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step”. No running, no flying, take one step at a time. One steady, solid step at a time for a steady, solid future.