Happy Birthday~~ My dear Grandmother~

New year is coming. Jan 1st is the first day of 2006~!! It also is my grandmother's birthday~! This year, my grandmother is 82 years old now~!

I love my grandparents a lot. I spend my childhood living with them. My parents were both very busy at work. I lived with my grandparents every summer. I remember that I use to sleep beside my grandmother. My grandmother would tell me one story per night. I spend a lot of good time with them. Day by day, time passed fast. I noticed my grandmother is getting shorter and shorter, then I found out that I am getting taller and taller. My grandmother use to holding my hand while we acorss the street, I started to holding her hand later. When I go shopping with my grandmother, she always don't let me hold anything because they were too heavy. Later, I started hold everything for my grandmother because they are too heavy.

The year of 2003, I went back home during summer. All family together for my grandfather's birthday. I was waitting for grandmother come at outside of party place. I saw my grandmother was holding by my borther, walking so slowly and carefully, arcoss the street. She looked so short and old. I was almost cry out. For all those years that I stayed in U.S, the only thing make me feel bad is missing the time to spend with my grandparents. I love them a lot, and want to be with them a lot. I miss the way my grandmother talk to me in Hei-Nan language(grandmother's hometwon), I miss the noddles and vegs. than my grandmother cook. I miss she always fight with grandfather.

Happy Birthday~! Grandmother, I really give best wishes for you. Live Strong and health. Please wait for me to come back. I love you much~!

Gift from Santa~

Because of my own reason, I didn't make so many friends or I made but couldn't keep for long. I was thinking about it last night. Yes, I haven't go out from my room for three days already. No one called me or asked me to hang out with them. The only person that I can (only should) call is Sugi. New Chinese housemates are talking and laughing in their room. In those three days, I didn't talk to anyone, I started to eat whatever, take long hot shower, sleep around 11 p.m., hold panashie for sleep, being depressed.

I told myself that maybe I am best for marriage. Best at giving love to husband and children; or I should find a busy job and live in the city with my parents. What is the meaning of my life? When my new life just start, I feel died already.

I got flower from Santa on Xmas night. I keep it well, the flowers are all opening now. I can taste the sweets of them. Panashie likes them too. She tried to eat them up, and I had to woke up during the night and stopped her.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2005. Woo...

Merry X'mas 2005

Today is X'mas. Merry X'mas.

X'mas for me is just a holiday for lovers and friends. As most of Asian counrties, X'mas is not our holiday, it is from the west side. Yes, I never had X'mas before I was 12 or 13. There were no such a thing as western counrties' holiday. I don't remember all my X'mas.

Well, of cause I remember the first X'mas in U.S.A. That was touching and sad. I was living with my host family, Milo and Viola. They were in their 60s, very kind and warm couple. Around X'mas time, so many of their friends came to visit them. Friends came with greeting and food. I like Milo and Viola a lot 'cause my favored American hisotry time is 30s and 40s, and they come from that time of America. Viola is a good wife, she cooks a lot and so good food~! She makes colthes too and she bought food to me when I just got up. Haha. I had my breakfast in bed the frist time. Their childrens and grandchildrens came for X'mas eve. We had diner together, and they shared gifts with each other. And, I took a family picture for them...that was the time I felt so sad...I missed my family..haha....But, I got my X'mas Gfit~! that was a oil lamp...well...I don't know how to use...still...

Nothing so special this X'mas. I stayed with Panashie, ate egg and soup for diner, went to bed around 11:30.

Hahaha....what can I say? I had a normal day of X'mas. Hope next one won't be like this.

MERRY X'MAS~!

Winter Life Day by Day

I didn't know that I will have a break for this winter. But, I do. I asked my boss how long is the winter break for him, he said from this friday until Jan. 3rd or 4th. "Just come back after two weeks." He said to me....ok....than's more than 14 days....14 days out of money....

Ok....expect weekends, I am gonna miss 11 days of work. That means I am gonna lost more than 400 dallors...woo....that's a lot of money...I decided that not using any more money during the winter break. I have enough food to live, and no worry about rent. This Christmas and New Year, I will live with Kimchi~!~!(oh, I don't have kimchi...)

I am re-studying Japanese agian. It's harder than I thought. I am using my Chinese textbook for studying, which is easiler than American textbook. The one problem that I have is that I knew a lot of garmmar already, I can't follow the textbook and always want to jump to later chapters. However, Chinese textbook includes a lot of new words. If I jump to later chapters, I would have to remember a lot of words. This thing make my study slow down...

Well...I have to try and keep doing it. Ganbate ne, lazy shan~!

$$$700, oh my god

I went to fixing my car today.

As so many people know that my car has a lot of problem. I thought about fix it, but always worried about money. Luckey Star told me that I should fix the car because if bad things happened, it will be my own bad...that's right. I went to fix it.

En....cost me $700....a lot...

Mufflers three parts broken...
Changed Oil...
Transmission Service.....
Air Filter change....
left front tire change...
computer balancing....

woooo....
fixed a lot part...but still i have to fix the lock, the oil light can't be fixed, and what more?...

it's expensive, but as long as it is good for my car, it is good.

winter is here, snow will be here soon agian...little colorful~ganbate~

P.S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY EYE~!

Eye to look

my left eye

My left eye is not well....
ha...
I will go to check tomorrow...
hope everything will be ok.

Well...
My student life is over....after 25 years, it is final over...
I am worried now. It has been a long time for being a student, and it
become my life style.
Now. I am not student anymore, my life of cause is changed.
For this reason,
I am so worried.

Right now,
So many things happen in my life, and so many chooses that I have to make.
I feel tired.

This winter break, let me take a break.

Past Smile

Chie and I

I was looking at my old pictures. My old picture....

I was not so fashion, I was wear no make-up, my hair was no style. Yeah. I got make-up every day now, think a lot about what should I wear, how my hair look like, or I look fat now...Well, I don't know if I look better than before, maybe I do, but there is one thing that I don't have anymore compare to before. Not my age, but that kind of smile...

I don't see my old smile anymore. I took a lot of pictures now, but I don't feel that I smiled as much as before. When I look at old pictures, my smile is big, and I feel the happy from the picture. I can be sure that I was happy when I took the picture.

How about now? I don't know. I still smile as much as before, but am I happy inside? Maybe I am. Maybe hard time does kill the younth and happinese.

Happy B-DAY~ MY DEAR FATER

12/01, it was my father's b-day. 55~! 55 years old now.

My father was born in 1950. He had so much up and down in his life. While my father was growing up, the history made unforgettable marks on him. My father is a very strong, but warm heart man. He seems so coolish to other people, always make others afraid of him. But, he loves children a lot, and always cares about others.

I was afarid him when I was young. My father told me more than once that the way of showing love is different between man and woman. I know he wanted to say that he loves me, but he just couldn't. Until the day, I went to America. I think he felt that I am leaving him, and he is losing me. The frist time, he said to me, I love you.After I came to America, I met a lot of people. People loves me, hates me. But I always know that my father is the only man who loves me forever and can give up everything for me.

Now, My mother is 50, father is 55, and I am 25...sometime I really wanna go back to childhood, when my left hand was held by mother, right hand was held by father, three people walk on the stree with smile and warm feeling.

The day might never come agian...I lost a lot of unforgettable moments.

Happy b-day, father.
I LOVE U.

Happy Birthday~ My dear Mother~

(left behind one is my mother)

11/26 is my mother's birthday~!!! Happy Birthday, my dear mother~!

My mother is 50 years old now...time passed so fast. I remember my father took me to buy birthday gift for her 30th birthday. Father and I walked into a lot of stores and spend a lot of time to looking for the perfect gift. We didn't have a lot of money at that time, and China didn't have a lot of fanscy things. We bought a sheep sculpture for her...haha...such a normal gift. But I found out how much my father loved my mother at that time. A man took 5 years old daughter with him, and looking for the perfect gift for his wife....ha....my dear parents....

My mother is a very goodness woman. Never try to hurt someone and loves my father. She gave up her job to take care of me and father, and she always is a perfect daughter for her father. When my grandpa was so sick, she is the only child who took such a care of him out of 4 children. My mother is a very simple mind woman, she has her small world and small happinese.

I love you~ Ma~~~!! 50 years.... thank you for taking care of me for 25 years. You smiled for me, cried for me too... I am sorry that I couldn't call you on your birthday...(I was sick over here)..But I wish you the best always. I wish I could make you happy one day...happy mother~!

To YOU who read my Blog

I don't know how many people read this blog;

but,

as long asYOU read it,

andcome here to see my life once a while;

I will keep writing.

This blog is not only for me,

It is for YOU TOO.

Yes, YOU~!

Who come and share my life.

Remember a girl

Under this dark weather, I just recovered from flu, but still feel soft and no power. The Thanksgiving break with sick made me feel depressed. Oh, I almost forget that I am the Queen of depression.

Maybe because of this winter weather, I started to think negative things agian. Like, why I live in this world, what is my life going to, is there any future infront of me...? Last year, I was doing hard and being depressed at the same time around this time. After a Lovely spring and hype summer, I thought I got use to the old life already, but it comes back. Well, not the old life, but the old feelings come back.

Sleep whole day, do nothing. Un...that is my life.

I remember a girl, who use to be in my life. She always smiles or laugh, always. She talk lound, smile big, live hype...seems like she always have fun and good time. If you ask about her life or some event which she was in, the asnwer would always be " that was great". Sometimes, I'd think is that ture? No bad things happen to her at all? Everything in her life was great? Or, that just a way of living. When bad things happen, just say that was not too bad. Un...sounds like a lie, but does it really make happinese?

Life is great? or Live is great?

Memory of Amour

I lost the Memory of Amour, but it's in my heart forever.

~I LOVE NANA~

NANA is great comic book~ yes it is.

Why is a great comic? A normal girl who loves all the sweet, cute things, good-looking guys and dream love, met a girl who has strong personality and a dream to catching. They are from different world, but share same life. NANA just simply tells how they struggled in their life, their relationship with friends and love ones. They love, they got hurt, they keep loving. It is great because it is close to life. Every book, moive, story which close to the real life are good enough to make people be touched. Another thing which I felt so touching from this story, one Nana is weak, easy to cry and easy to get hurts, but she never give up wishing this world is a beautiful world and accpeted whatever bad things were happening to her. She is weak, but strong. Another Nana, she looks strong from outside, punk girl, doesn't care a lot of things, fight with others; but deeply inside she is weak. A girl who is weak but strong and a girl who is strong but weak....is that typcially what girls are?

Good story, un~

The Mascot of 2008 Olympic Games

Just this morning, China made the choice of the Mascots for 2008 Olympic Games. Five mascots out of 6000 designs.

There are them~!!!

Beijing 2008 -- One world, one dream

I still remember that feeling when I was watching Chinese News from Internet. I saw people were laughing, jumping, dancing or even crying when China chose to be 2008 Olympics Game host country. From the small computer screen, I felt the emotions that Chinese people were having at the same time. I cried while I was watching it because of happy.

It might be a normal thing for America or England or Japan and some other countries to host the Olympics. But, for China, a counrty was in the wars for more than 100 years, a counrty is called thrid-world-counrty by others, a counrty struggled for development; it is a great honor, a great respect for it and its people. Of cause, at that moment, all the Chinese in the world, no matter he/she hates China or love China, their chinese soul and blood were jumping with the News. That was a time for a lot of Chinese who are outside of China, feel proud to be a Chinese. At least, for me, it was true.

I have been in America for 8 years now. I always had the feeling that I am not good enough because I am Chinese. The other countries people look down us, I know that. How many times that when Korean or Taiwanese came and smiled to me and asked me if I am Japanese or not, and turned away cold after knowing I am Chinese. I saw the look of their face :" Ha--Chinese--" I don't believe that I am lower than other counrties people, but it does hurts when people look down you just because of your nationality. I don't think that Chinese are greater or better than other countreis' people. We all same, all the people of the world. We all have good point or bad point, and our culture differeces make people misunderstand each other. When I don't smile, doesn't mean I am not happy; when I don't cry, doesn't mean it's not hurts. When I said I like Japan, doesn't mean I don't love my own country. There are great gaps between all cultures, people really should try to explain their own culture to others, and try to make the misundersanding smaller and smaller. Well...at least, I hope my own people (Chinese) know that too, don't hate one race or country just because that's what everybody does.

Wooo...I talked too much...Thanks for reading.

PEACE~!

Fall of UB

Today is cold.

I like Fall. I think Fall is more mature season of the four. Haha...mature. Warm colour, soft weather, that kind of cool but calm feeling; yeah, I like Fall.


My hometown's fall is long, but no colour. Only yellow and dry colour with the cold air which goes into your bone. Fall of CT is kind of short, I guess after today's rain, the winter will be offically here. But, I still like the Fall of UB. Every time I walk in the campus, I tried to go under the trees. Haha...just let the colourful dying leaves fall on me..haha..And, I tried to walking into the dry leaves on the ground. Walk on them, and listern to them "chi-chi-chi" sound.

Fall is good, also passing away. (Un~! Beautiful things pass away fast)

BOSTON WEEK--Part Three-10-23-05

Part Three

We didn't have to get up ealry~!! That was great thing for us. We all liked to sleep little bit longer after two days of hurry hurry. I think we got up around 11 a.m, well, who got up the first,which I don't remember. Anyway, we didn't have to hurry up in the morning which was so great for students who are all have ealry morning class like us. After we all got up, we took our time to washing up, dressing up and making up ( of cause, that was jut me). We had time to take pictures for each other, that was very fun.

Where should we go?? We went to a mall first, which is close to the hotel. Un...all American Mall are looking same...We went to eat some things for breakfast, but the mall's food court was so bad. Tomoatsu, Takeshi and I ate very bad Chinese food...well...anyway. Where should we go next?We thought and thought, and Tomoatsu wanted to go to Harvary. OK~! Then, let's go to Harvary.

We parked the car close to WTC, and took bus to Harvary. My car was kind of borken...it was making huge noise...we were all kind of worried. But, it didn't stop us to go Harvary. Even we had enough time to stay on the bed as long as we could, some of us were stil tired. Haha...or they were just bored in the subway...haha...Acutally, before Harvary, we wanted to go one more place. It suppose to be a nice place with a lot of shops, but it was nothing there. Woo...cold day too. We gave up the suppose-to-be-well-known place, and went to Harvary.

This time we didn't just go to those shops. Well, we went to some shops first. Takeshi and Tomoatsu went to the ciguar store which Takeshi and I saw another day. And, I found out they sale 555 in there. Ha...how long I haven't see that brand? Takeshi bought some cigar leaves 'cause he wanted to try. After that, we went to take look the campus of Harvary. Last time when I was in Harvary, Lei took me look around Harvary, of cause he knew where to go and what to see. This time, I couldn't remember and find where is where. We just walked around and saw a lot of vistors were taking pictures. Of cause we did too. I didn't know that time, my last film wasn't working well. All the pictures that we took over there, I only had two.....but those two were nice pictures. Harvard capmus looks nice even it was kind of rainning and cold. We didn't stay there for too long, the time we left Boston was around 5 p.m.

One thing which we all worried about is my car. My car was kind of borken, reason is still unknown. We worried about what if the car stopped on the way home. Three hours drive....if end up at nowhere, how can we get home? And, three of us (Masa, Tomoatsu and I) had class the next day.... ... ...however~! Lucky~!! Nothing really bad happened, expect the huge noise my car was making. When we got home, it was around 9:00 p.m, acutally it was ealrier to arrive home than we thought.

Waa... only three days of trip, but it was very nice time. My frist time travel to somewhere with many people, well, it was only three, but good enough.

Thanks everyone went to the trip with me, it was nice time that I shared with you guys. Looking forward to the next trip~!

~BOSTON WEEKEND~part two~10-22-05

PART TWO

When did we get up in the morining? Oh~ I remembered. We were talking about got up around 8:30 a.m. But, might be everybody was too tired, no one got up until 9 a.m. Takeshi was the first one who got up, and he asked me when we should got up. I looked at the time, it was past 9 a.m. I said:"Now." Masa was eatting food during early morining, and everyone heard about the eating sound, that was so funny. As soon as we got up, Masa and Tomoatsu started to perpare for the day. First time to saw them wear suit, haha, not too bad. They actually looked younger. After they perpared, we hit the road. During day time, the signs were much easiler to be seen. I found the way pertty easy and soon. We arrived at WTC short after 10 a.m, and the huge parking lots were not so full, but already many cars.

We saw a lot of Japanese on the way when we walked to WTC from the parking lot. Everyone dressed in dark color suit, and all the girls dressed in dark color suit too. I was kind of suprised by that 'cause I didn't know that Japanese people take this job fair thing this real. There were Dounking and 7-11 besided the WTC building. We hadn't had breakfast yet, so we went in there and got coffee. So many people were in Dounking and some of people looked so busy. Masa and Tomoatsu looked so young compare to other people, and Takeshi and I didn't dress up like for job fair, so we looked odd in the group. I felt that I was in Japan which everyone can speak English. Masa and Tomoatsu got their first picture as offically went to job fair by me. They looked funny it the picture, but it was nice. Soon, around 11 a.m, they went into the job fair which Takeshi and I couldn't not enter. We said good luck to them, and headed to Boston.

Where to go in Boston? Of cause HARVARD~! We took bus and subway get Harvard. The bus and subway was very easy to find and take, it was not long time from WTC to Harvard. Un~Boston wasn't that big. Soon after we arrived at Harvard, we just walked around. I went there before, so I kind of know the way around. We went to a very nice cigar store, it has all kind of things for smokers and drinkers. Intersting to see. Around noon, we went to eat. Didn't order that much, but the best thing we ordered was New England Carem Chower~! Who doesn't like that soup~!? It was so good, the best that I had in my life~! Other food were good too, but I couldn't forget the SOUP~! Lunch was good, we didn't finish everything, haha, many we weren't that hungry. Harvard Squre has a lot of shops, all kinds. We just walked around and went to different shops. But we didn't really buy much stuff. When we got tired, we went to Harvard bookstore. Wow...crazy inside~! So many people, so many books, so many Harvard's flags. We didn't stay inside that long 'cuase felt so heavy...after all, we are not study-type students..haha...~ It was around 3 p.m, Takeshi and I were getting tired, so we decided to go back to WTC.

Job fair were still going on. We called Masa and Tomoatsu, they were still inside, and said it wouldn't be finish shortily. Takeshi and I went to coffee shop arcoss the stree. The coffee shop is under a hotel, arcoss with the hotel's lobb. So many Japanese people were in there, taking break, drinking coffee, talking or leaving. Masa and Tomoatsu came to coffee shop during the break time, they looked tired. It was only 4 hours, but I am sure they were tired. They ordered coffee and cakes, talked about what was going on insdie to Takeshi, also show us all the companies information. Those companise are all well-known compnaies, like IBM, TOYOTA, HONDA...They told us it was really hard, harder than they thought. The real world's first taste wasn't sweet enough. But, good enough, still they have power to make fun of things, talking with each other with the suit made them looked like businese man. They told us that they had to stay there until at least 5 p.m. Soon, they left coffee shop, and Takeshi and I wondered around, didn't know what to do 'cuase there wasn't anything that we could do. We decided went back to car and wait them over there.

It began to rain so hard, and Boston was so cold. Lucky, I couldn't trun on the heat in my car, we were warm in the car. Nothing to do, we started to taking picutres. Takeshi bought a very cool Harvard sign over Harvard, we went out from the car, took a picture of he hold the sign. Haha...nice picture. We didn't wait so long until they finished. They were so tired. We just went back to hotel after it 'cause they were tired, and they didn't want to wear suit wonder around in Boston. Time flies fast. Soon, it was around 9 p.m, we started talk about what to eat for diner. Of cause they were tired, and didn't really wanna go somewhere so far. Tomoatsu wanted to eat shabu-shabu, suprised to know that he never ate before. Lucky, there was a Japanese restaurant called SAKE which is so colse to hotel. We went there, and it was a normal American style Japanese restaurant. We were happy to just sit down and eat some warm food. I didn't wanted to order anything since three of guys can decided what they want for Japanese food. They ordered food and beer too. Food was good, and Masa was making fun of a lot of things and talked about how funny one of the teachers that he has. It was fun time. Tomoatsu and Takeshi ordered a lot of beer, but they were strong, so none of them were drunk. We had fun over a lot over there. Food was good, people's feeling was good too. Outside was cold and raining, insdie was warm...un...good time.

After eat, after we went back to hotel, Tomoatsu and Masa thought today was enough for Boston Job Fair. They decided to go for Harvard tomorrow~! Haha...gonna be good.

~BOSTON WEEKEND~ Part One~10-21-05

Memember of trip: Masa, Takeshi, Tomoatsu and Shanshan.
Purposes of trip: Boston Job Fair -- Masa and Tomoatsu; Sightsee -- Takeshi and Shanshan.
Dates of trip: 3 days

PART ONE

We planed to leave BPT bewteen 2 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. I had a very busy day. There were some problems over one of the houses, that I should had be there. But, I couldn't because it was already after 2 p.m. I went home with three girls who were looking for the house, and showed them around of my house. As soon as they left, Takeshi and I started final perparing. I called Masa and he was busy perparing stuffs for job fair. So we waited, and left BPT almost 3:30 p.m. However, everybody was hungry, so we decided stop at somewhere to eat something first. So we stopped at exit 42, and went to eat. Maybe becuase we just started out trip, we were kind of highper for nothing. Food was good, and Masa made fun of the food, which looked like pupu.

Soon after we ate, it was something after 5 p.m. It was kind of late compare the time that we planed to go. It was 2 hours late. I was worried about how late we would get in Boston 'cause of the taffic and unknown road. But, it was quite ok on the road. Since it was a Friday, not so many cars goes to North. Just some part of the high way had heavy taffic, but not that much. Masa and Tomoatsu were tired, and slept in the car. I guess they had busy night to perpare stuffs that they had to bring to Boston Job Fair, and they had Soul Beat the night before and 9:30 a.m. class on Friday. I drove kind of fast 'cause all the cars on I-91 were fast, some of the cars drove over 100, and the speed limilt was 70. Crazy. My car is not good enough to drive as fast as 100, haha, if I could, I would too. Long way of driving, it was like 3 hours. When we were getting closer to Boston, I stopped for relaxing. Takeshi and Tomoatsu needed to smoke anyway. Masa was palying around at the kid place in the rest place..haha...while Tomoatsu and Takeshi were buying coffee.

Right at we leave the rest place, only took less than one hour to get in Boston. Boston was such a moden city. We saw a lot of tall buildings, and moden style. We were talking about how it is different with NY, and felt Boston is good. It was easy way to the Hotel, but it was heavy trffaic. We had to stop for quite a while that Masa had time to go out of the car and taking some pictures. When we got the hotel, it was not too late. I guess it was around 8 p.m, no later than 9 p.m. Right after we got in hotel, Masa and Tomoatsu started to perparing for next day's stuff. Takeshi and I just relax and watch TV. It was nice that hotel had HBO and HBO 2, so we could watch free moives.

I told guys that I wanted to go to the WTC ( where the job fair at) before the next day, to make sure i know where it is, so I wouldn't get lost later. And, we could have diner in Chinatown since it is close to WTC. Guys argreed with me, and we went out around 10 p.m. It was much harder to find the WTC during the night, I couldn't see the signs on the high way so well. Lucky, we found where is the Chinatown. At least, we wouldn't be hungry. Chinatown was not too big, well, it might be bigger than we thought, but couldn't really see during the night time. We stopped at one place, and everyone was hungry. Masa, Takeshi and Tomoatsu all asked me to order, they said they don't know anything about Chinese

food. Then, I ordered some simple food, BUT, I asked them if they ever ate frog before. They were scared by what I asked. But, I ordered anyway 'cause I think they would like to try once a life time. Hahaha....it was not that bad~! They like it, they think it is not that bad, and feels like eat chicken. They ordered some beer too, not that many, but it was nice to have diner together.

Everybody is tired. After we went home, it was around 12 a.m. We had to sleep and we wanted too, for the next day's early weak up. Frist day was good, a lots of new things, lots of fun~!

Crazy Life + Crazy Dayer

Crazy. This week is crazy.

Who make it crazy? The answer will be me. There were things going on and overlaped with my study plans, class times, and work times. All the things come together, and I lost the way like doing a huge research about large company.

I didn't go class yesterday which I have no reason to not to go. It was a easy, simple, fun class. Well, I didn't go. Before yesterday, I slept too much. I guess I slept for 12 hours becuase of relax? or becuae of tired? I don't know.

Last night, I did my group project until 6 a.m. Well, I could get it done eariler if the CRAZY DAYER was working with me. I had to go to the houses to take out all 25 cents since it is full, and users complian that they couldn't use no more. I didn't have the key to open the box which saves the coins, and I just got the key from the owner yesterday. Went to the first house with Takeshi around 10 p.m., and the CRAZY DAYER's coin box couldn't be opened. We tried every thing, I mean everthing for two almost 2 hours~! Takeshi almost break the thing~! But, we still just got one of them opened. My hands were hurting by pulling the key out of the box. That was so hard, and I have to go angian today~!

Because the dryer took me 2 hours, I started up until 6 a.m in the mroning. Woke up around 10 a.m, and tried my best to print out the papers that for today. Went to office late, and boss got mad. Oh, my god. Two more class are waiting for me, after that I have to do laundry, and go to the CRAZY Dryer agian...

Crazy, Crazy....

Once a Year Come

It's the fat time~!

Once a year, I will be fat. And now it is the time. I remember the year of 2003, the fall, I met Bon outside of my house. Bon said to me:" Shanshan, be careful. You get fat a lot." I looked down at my meat, yeah, I was fat. My face was so round. The year of 2004, I don't remember that much, but I looked at my old blog which I wrote around last Fall. I talked about get fat and my face looked fat. This year too...already three people told me that I got fat. Ah---

I have to watch out for my weight, but there just too many things that I have to watch out for. Eating become one of the few enjoyments of my life. Sounds sad, but good food makes me happy. Now, I understand why people eat a lot when they have stress or depression. Un...I become one of them?

What is the best time of this couple years so far? I think it from last April until Augest. Four months were nice. I was happy and no stress at most of time. Un...why?

Red Eye week

My left eye has being red for two weeks already~! I couldn't wear my contact lense because of that. Normally I don't wear glasses, but this time I had too.

I bought new pair of glasses about a month ago, an I planed to wear it just some times for change the style. Haha...who knows that I had to wear it for days and days. I keep use one Chinese eye drop, which is good. The red of my left eye were gone for couple of days, but I kept wear glasses and use eye drops just make sure my eye will be ok.

I put my contact lense on yesterday, and it was fine~!~! I was so happy. My left eye didn't trun red and it felt fine. I didn't wear the same contact lense as before for my left eye, I guess that's the reason that my left eye was red.

After one day, my left eye was so fine!!! BUT~~my right eye is red now~~!!!!! How come~! I was thinking why the red from my left eye to right eye~~~!!! Then, I think I found the reason~! I didn't wear same contact lense on my right eye as left eye. Un....now I think my contact lense made my eyes bad~! I can't wear the pair contact lense anymore. I have to change one.

Ha---so tired to wear glasses.

Thank you for being with me ONE YEAR~

Pana and Me~

Pana has already became my pet for ONE year now~!~! I am so happy that I still have her as pet, and she is still health and friendly.

Pana made me so happy for this one year. She is always there when I feel lonely~! She came to sleep beside me every night, and call me when I just arrived home. I really like her a lot. Sometime she made me mad, but I always like her dayo~!

Cat's year doesn't long. I don' t know how old is Panashie. Maybe 5 to 7 years old. I hope she can be younger and younger 'cause I don't wanna lose her. She always wanted to go out from my room, sorry pana, my room is too small for you. She lived in another house for couple months, and she really liked over there. I wish I could have chance to let her live in there longer.

Now, she is sleepying. I don't know when is her birthday....un....ha...I don't even know how old is her ne.....

But, still~! Thank you, PANA~! For being there for me ne~ play with me~and make me smile~!

I LOVE U~

HAAPY BIRTHDAY~~~MASA~~~~

happy b-day

Oct 6th~! Masa's birthday~! 23 years old this year, he said it is a not good and not bad year, just normal, no much meanings.

I and Katsu wanted to do something for him. We planed two parties and both of them are suprise parties. I was doing the one in soul beat, and katsu was doing the one in their house.

On that day, we went to StopShop to buy things. I bought one small cake for soul beat, and other little stuff. Katsu bought a lot of things, food, beer...after stopshop, we went to buy ice cream cake which was for the house party.

I went to soul beat a little bit earlier, and talked to the Ojiichan who is the security guard of ABC building. He has been seeing us since one year ago, and we all like him a lot. I told the Ojiichan that it was Masa's brithday, and we wanted to do suprise party for him at end of soul beat which was around 10:15. We needed his help. He said ok, haha so nice of him. During the soul beat, Katsu didn't come, of cause I know that Katsu was perparing the party, but I still asked Masa where was Katsu. Just try to make him think there is nothing in the house. Around 10:10, I went out to security office and find Ojiichan. Ojiichan said he would go first and tell him that there is some problem with the light, he had to turn off them. Then, I would go in with cake. Hahaha....that was good idea. Ojiichan went there first and turn off the light. I went in with cake, and I was worried about no one would sing happy birthday song, but they did~!!! I couldn't see Masa's face first 'cause of no light, but when I walked close to him, I saw the smile of his face. Haha...I was so happy to see he was happy. Hahaha....happy happy..un...really happy. He was suprised and happy. Long time no see that kine of smile of his. We all shared cake with soul beat memebers and Ojiichan.

There was another party waitting for him in the house, but he didn't know. Katsu, Tomoatsu and I know. After soul beat, Katsu and I tried to hold Masa in my car for let Tomoatsu go to house first. We just sit in the car and talked about Salssa...hahaha....

After we got in their house, I was suprised as Masa, 'cause therte was full of people outside of the house. We went in to the house, I was suprised as Masa agian~! There was Masa's pcitures everywhere in the house, and a huge picture of him on the wall. Wooooo....I was thinking that Katsu did a huge project for Masa. Masa got nice gifts from people, and he was happy. Katsu was so busy during the party, and I was honto thinking that how great Katsu is for Masa as a good friend and roommate. I wish I could do as much as Katsu did for Masa. He has been so nice to me.

Well~! Masa, ganbate ne. Everybody had hard time or having hard time, but don't give up your dreams ne~! Best things will happen to you soon. I truly wish you the best from my heart.

HAPPY 23TH BIRTHDAY TO MASA~!

The 8th Fall

This is the 8th fall that I staied in U.S.

1998--EMU, VA, New school, New friends, I couldn't speak any English....but fun.
1999--EMU, VA, I guess I learned more English, and started to have American friends.
2000--EMU, VA, Un...first bf...haha...I spend a lot of time with him.
2001--EMU, VA, Class started to feel boring, same as my ife.
2002--UB, CT, New school agian~ and new bf~ I met Bon and Andy.
2003--UB, CT, started to having a lot of Japanese friends, and school sucked.
2004--UB, CT, it was a hard time, but thank you, Atlantic 400, you took care of me.
2005--UB, CT, A.....fall never end. Ending is starting, and starting is a ending.

Happy b-day, CHINA~!

Happy b-day to China~!


Fast~! It is China's birthday agian. I still remember last year, that I was typing the same thing on this blog.

Ah--many things happened in one year ne...life is different now.

I almost forget about this day of China. Well, I can't really forget about it, but I almost forget that people were having parties and funs. And, all the six girls who went to China don't have class for one week~! What they gonna do for one week? Must having a lot of fun.

If I can, I wanna go to other countries, not America, not China. A new place that only few people knows me. Meet new people, feel new culture, new lanuage, new life.

If I can run away...that will be great~!

Anyway, happy b-day China. Hope you could be better and better every year.

Sep.24th

Un...it was satrday. A beautiful day with good sunshine. A little bit wind, chili, tells us that the fall is here. Once a while, take the train, once a while goes to the city. City changes everyday that never changes in another ways. I walked in the same place that I use to walk, felt different air that I use to felt.

It was beautiful day. Lovely, and beautiful.

What is the word to describe my feelings of this normal day? HAPPINESE is the word. Every starting is a ending, and every ending is a starting. I met you in NY, you changed, changed to a better man. We laughed and talked and shared wonderful time together.

The time of relaxing and fitting in each other's mood. I had so much fun, as you did too.

Time to go, I miss you.

Miss you from the day I met you.

Small Mind, Small Heart

Today, when I was reading news from one of the Chinese website, I saw a news title as "Korean's Education of Aganist Japan --- Korean Children's Drawing". I checked into this news, and wanted to found out what kind of kid's drawings did korean kids have.

The news, has no words in side, only the pictures of korean children's drawing. I looked down all the pictures, and felt sorry for korean. What a poor country and poor education~!
(the link: http://news.wenxuecity.com/BBSView.php?SubID=news&MsgID=70193 )

From the pictures, I only can see one thing, which is HATE. I understand that Korean has strong unhappy feelings about Japan because of what happened in the past. I undersatand if the pain from past is so strong, it will be reminded for long time. I understand why korean hates Japan. However, I don't understand why Korean educated their children become small heart people.

What Japan did to many Asian countries was unforgetable and violence. Something happened before is already happened. What is more important for now? When you cannot change the result, what should you do? One, living in the past or Two, moving on? If the war was violence, how about hate? Hate is just another violence which is leading into another war. Using hate to agianst pain, does it really make you feel happier? or, it acutally make you feel more pain?

I guess maybe Korean doesn't know what is the mean of " love your enemy ". I don't think Japan did right thing in the past which already happened. If it comes to history issue, I am always on the side of China and Korea. That is the history issue. For today's world, I might dislike Japanese government, but not the country. One country is not only inculded government, there are many other things. Except politics, there is something called humanity.

This is not only Korea's problem. As Chinese, I know that China has this problem too. I just hopeing that one day people will understand, loving what you hate, is most powerful weapon.

Sick Days

Because of this unstanlbe weather, many of us get sick. Me too.

My room is so hot for some reasons. It is always good for winter, when all other rooms are cold, my room is warm. But for summer, it was really bad. Normally, I have AC during the summer. But this summer, I didn't have one. I was OK during the summer. But now, I got sick.

Only my room is hot, so when I go out to bathroom or kitchen, I would feel cold. My bed is so hot, I had to trun on the fan when I sleep, but during the night, I would feel cold agian. That's how I got sick.

I went to all my classes, but not work. I don't wanna miss any classes and mess up my GPA. I slept whole day after class yesterday, I guess I slept more than 10 hours. It was good.

How many sick days would I have this year? I was thinking about it. I had couple of times of sick at begining of this year already, now agian, and I know later this winter, I will have more.

For you, who was sick too. Take care yourself while you are alone. Ne~

Rain--Fall is coming

Started to Raining.

I still woke up by the hot weather during last night's sleep. There was not hot weather at all when I woke up in the morning, only rain was remind outside of the window. The fan from Bon was still working, not strong wind came out of there, but strong enough to make me feel cold.

Outside is not shining. The first time of this month. Pana's hair is getting longer, color become good too. I sometime love her a lot. If I sleep, I will feel pana's hair all around me, maybe that's why my neck is so red. Or, it just because of this summer.

Walking in the rain. Thinking about there might be dead end infront of the road. We never know the future, just like what you use to tell me so. There is no back to time, walking walking walking, future is in the fog.

Anyway, this is life. After summer, it is Fall.

School~Work~

So far...

My life as a student is going alright. This time I really feel what busy is. I am very busy. Let's see...I only have four classes this year, but one of them is hard. All of them are very important classes, that I have to do my best. I wanna get all As for all my classes this time~! Thuesday is the more busy day for me. I have three classes, and one of them is capstone~the two and half hours class, which doesn't have break~! And, many many readings for that class.....good luck to me~!

Work is fine. I have to work from 10 am to 2 pm. It's not a long time, and if I have classes in between, I can go to my classes. The work is not hard work, but it has many details. I have to be careful about it. Also, dealing with people is hard. I have to dealing with many people, and the best is always smile to them. It's alright for me, but there are people that they don't like me or I don't like. However, I still have to be nice to them and make them feel good....well...that's part of the job~ I have to do it good.

DON'T GIVE UP AND DO THE BEST~!

GOOD? BAD? I DON'T KNOW~!

new color~

I colored my hair agian~! It's so bright light now~! I don't know what kind of color it is now.But I really really hope it looks good~! I guess it doesn't looks so bad.I wanted the light hair, but not that light. Hoped it can be kind of borwn....But.....too light....Don't you guys think it looks like same color that I had before? Kind of diffrent~but...kind of same.Hope I look good...ne...

Last Summer Song -- No Forever Ending

Augest Goodbye...Summer Goodbye...My dear You...Goodbye...
Sometimes, the life is like the summer weather. Sunshine or Rain, that you can't control it. sometimes, people are like trees, if the wind blows, they can't stop moving by the wind. I don't know if I did right thing or not...When it comes to make some minds, it is always so hard. I am so afraid of making mistake, but I already did what I have done. I can't back off anymore. Maybe summer will gone forever, and spring never come again. I don't know how to make Fall and Winter the happinest seasons of the year. I wanna try, but I might be fail...Summer is gone...I just wanna let you know...that I will always love you.