love 101

It is always hard to remembering an ex who you truly loved and gave everything to. I have that ex and I am that ex too. I think it is kind of lucky if you don't have that ex in your life or you never are that ex for other 'cause it is too heavy to remember that ex sometimes. It's a mark on you and only you know it's not going anywhere.

I hate that ex. I wish he lives in a painful life. I never want to see him and never wants to remember him. I never even wants to hear his name or having him as a memory. When it comes to love, we are so hard to forgive others and so easy to forget about our own sin. At same time as I hate my "that ex", I remembered that I am "that ex" for someone else.

Love is an unexplainable thing. It is too simple and too complicated to be explained at same time. You love then you love, you don't love then you don't love. What about all the good times, all the sweet kisses, all the smiles, and laughs, and romances, and endless nights? With love goes by us, all those things are like shadows following us.

I know at least I have 3 exes hate me so much. One was crying and yelling and saying he was going to kill the people in CT; one cut me off from his life 100% and laugh at me as a street slut if we meet by accident; and the one I loved most, after all those years, blames me for leaving him, and still asking for the reason. I careless about the first one; feel sorry for the second one, and I just don't know what to say to the last one.

The "sorry" I already said many times, but the reason, I just couldn't give it to him. I thought about a lot of reasons and all of them were true too. They are all one of the reasons. But, what can I say? The major reason was so shameful that it only could hurt him more if he knows. It was just simply because I need someone besides me, someone who I can touch, kiss, hug, look at into the eyes, feel the skin, the care, the love. I was young, and I didn't want to be alone. I NEEDED someone at that time. I needed someone right at that moment, not 3 years later, not have to wait for 12 hours to talk in the phone with for 3 minutes, not only could look at a picture or webcam. I was just a simply girl who need a basic love. A love 101. Be there. Be right there.

I still feel bad for what happened. He was the one. Almost perfect Mr.Right. But, maybe it is him, maybe it is fate, he became Mr. right then. I was just a simply woman after all. Not someone who has a big heart, who can handle all the problems, who is so morally right. I just needed love, a love that I could see by my own eyes, touch by my own hands, kiss by my own lips. Not by heart. That is just a bullshit after all. If you can't hug each other, how can you know your feeling is still there? If you can't kiss each other, how can you know your heart still skip a beat? If you can't look into each others' eyes and say "I love you", how can you know you or that person is not lying?

I believe in love 101.