The stage 2

I think I am at stage 2 now. I don't know actually how many stages are there and I don't even know if there are stages or not. But Just for me, I thought there might be some kind of stages for relationship. So what is stage 2 then? It's the time that you are comfortable with the person enough to show the side of you that you don't show to strangers or co-workers or some friends. And also it's the time that you start to know how the person acts in front of friends and family, then you start to know if you fit in that group or not, and try to fit in it.

I don't like stage 2. I never really liked stage 2. It's hard for me to build trust between anyone. When I don't trust someone, it is very hard for me to acting normal. It might be normal, but it reminded me the time when I tried to fit into the Japanese group. I never wanted to go to those parties and never wanted to know other people. I guess my comfort zone is very small, or I am just worry too much. Maybe I look fine for other people, but I actually worry about a lot of things inside of my mind. Every every little thing will make me think. What if? What if? What if? then, what should I do? How should I act? What should I say? It's not about communications, I have no problem with that. It's about what if there are facts that I don't accept or I can't deal with it. When that kind of time come, what should I do?

I love having a boyfriend, being a relationship, and have someone to touch and be touched. But the worries, and the hard works are making me tired sometimes. I had a lot of drama in my early 20s to middle 20s. I am already tired of those things, and don't want to be in one. I just wish for a normal life, normal normal normal life. No drama, no surprises, no hidden secrets. Just a normal life. If I remember right, a normal life is what I always want to have. I still wish for that after all those years? I am too tired for all those things. If, I mean if something happened, I will choose to be alone. I need love, want to have love, want to be married and have children. But I know marriage isn't everything. If that's what relationship will bring with, I will choose no relationship. I want a simple normal life. Just like a warm Monday afternoon of May, not a hot Saturday night of July.

I really hope Mr.B has nothing above. I really hope we can work things out. As I always said, I have my fingers crossed. 'Cause you just never know, you just never know.