逢いたい

逢いたい

君の顔を見たい。

君のSMILEを見たい。

本当に、逢いたい。

Walk over my tears

My mother get another god-daughter, 18 years old girl named si-si. Mother already have two god-daughters, but she said more is better, and I think she might be miss me much.Si-si is in Ukraine. A cold weather country which used to be part of Soviet. She plans to study piano in its royal musican school, but she has to pass the lanuage first. Si-si felt depress because of lonelinese and poor life-style. Ukraine is not a well-developped country. She said she doesn't know what she is doing over there, did she make the right choose to go there. She got my phone number from my mother and called me for help.Frist time, I understand all the advices that my parents told me are deeply from their heart. Their advices are from the hurts which they got, and they know the pain and the hardnese, they don't want me to make same mistakes as them. That's what I learned when I tried to solve Si-si's questions.She doesn't have dream, habit or friends. She felt the life is not good and hoping for good life. She misses her parents and hope someone can save her....I could see myself from her. I want to tell her all the mistakes that I had made, and want to tell her don't be same as me, but I didn't tell her my stories and mistakes because I felt so shame to talk about. I just told her that she should find a meaning of life frist. Find a dream. Make a plan for everyday life, don't think about what might happen in the future. It took me 8 years to find those things. I told her she can call me anytime, when she needs help from someone, when she feels lonley.I cried much before, I don't want to see anyother young girl cry agian. Woman's youth is short. Try not make any mistakes for future, and do things right. Happinese will come, just matter of time.Please walk over my tears, and live strong.

Little Happinese

Friday, two days after the snow. I haven't had move my car from the parking lot snice the day of snow. All the left over snow became ice. I tried to drive my car, but all the tiers were frozed with the ice. I tried to go front and go back, but my car just shaked front to back... ...One American-african guy walked down the street, he saw me and came up to me to help. He pushed my car back and front about 10 mins, finally my car was out of the ice. I said thanks to him with big smile, he said:" No problem, baby." Not all the American-african live around here are bad, good people are everyway. Lose the mind of judge others by race, nationalitly, job, personal history, outside looks. Looking for who they really are. No race or counrty has same type of person; No person doesn't make mistake. Open your heart.Go the resturant to work, Kitchen chef, who is my father's age, said to me:" Shanshan, come here. I made soy bean milk this morning, and I saved for you." A......how nice was him! Later during the work, he called me in the kitchen agian: " Shanshan, this sushi roll is really good, I saved for you." A....thank you so much. He has a son same age as me, he must feel I am like his child. I haven't feel cares from older people that much after I came to U.S. The little carenese like that, made me felt happinese.One getto black guy walk down the street, one kitchen chef who wear drity oily cloth; no matter who you can share your love and kindese. Money is nothing without repest others and love.I tasted the little happinese at end of Chinese year of 06.Happy Chinese New Year.

弱い

You said to me:" You are still weak." I asnwered to you:" No, I am not...don't say me weak."Actually, I know, for you, I am still weak.I called home, father said to me:" Don't lower your head to the life."I almost cried.father said to me:" No body will save you, only you."Did you tell me the same thing before?Ha...I am still weak.......頑張ります。

Wishes of Valentines' Day

Today is Valentines'day in Japan already. I have a wish of love: to be with you until the end of our days. When we all become old, all our children have own family, I will sit beside you and listen to you talk about stories when we were young.No matter we will be rich or not,to have you in my life is richest thing in the world.When we all become old,I will still hold your hands,take care of you when you are sick,walk though hard time and always beside you.Even we will fight about small things,but that is one kind of happinese.No matter I will eat good or wear good or not,I will cook simple food with love,wear simple colthes with warmnese.My wish of LOVE:With you and only with you until the end of our days.HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY to you across of the ocean.

TOEIC

I went to take TOEIC at 10th in Newton, MA. It was a very tired day. I had to take bus at 7 a.m. to be able to make the test at 1 p.m. Then after the test, I waitted 2 hours for the returning bus at 6 p.m. Finally came back home after 10:30. It was a day of hunger and cold.

TOEIC test is actually not hard. It much easiler than TOFEL or any kind of English test for enter university. If you took any of those test, you won't find TOEIC is hard. But, it doesn't mean TOEIC was so easy for me.

TOEIC only has two parts: listening and reading. For each of them, there are 100 questions. Listening part has 4 different test:

look at picture and listen to the voice, choose the best answer (very easy, but be careful with the british way of talking). two people talking, choose the best answer (just one question per talking, easy). two people talking, choose the best answer (three questions per talking, harder than before but still kind of easy). One long talking about something, choose the best answer. (three questions per talking. Talking will only paly for one time, so you have to remember the talking to be able to asnwer questions. hardest one in all of 4, but not too hard).For listening text, my thinking is while you are taking the text, don't think too much, choose the best answer come up to your mind first. If you start to think, you will miss the next question. The best way to make the listening skill higher will be always listen to TV, RADIO or MOIVE without look at it.The reading test....actually it is not that hard either, but you have to control your time well~!!I couldn't control my time well...so I think I lost a lot of pionts at the end of 20 questions since I didn't have time to do them. So the reading speed is very important~!!There are 3 type test for reading:Choose the best word and put in the sentence. (not hard. just choose the best one which you feel is right. )Choose the wrong wrod from sentence. (there will be four worng ones which has underline. Same as last one, just choose the best one which you feel is right. not hard.)Reading one/two short information, and answer the questions. (Two to five questions per one reading. I think it was around 10 readings, so you have to control your time well~~!! The readings are not hard to understand, all of them are just informations, such as: about meeting, about phone bill, about new store opening...It not so hard, but if your reading speed is slow...like me...you will lose time~~!!)My advice for get higher reading skill is: the best way to do it is read all the letters you got from any kind of companies, if you live outside of english speaking country, the best way is go to internet and read news. All kind of news. And try to read and understand the news as fast as you can.)Another thing is the TOEIC is not a computer test ...it just a normal test. I think it makes harder to control the time. If you will go take it, I think you won't find it's so hard. Just do your best and control the time well~~!! Then you can do it~!!!

The Road Under Our Feet

Everytime, when I walk pass infront of student center, I always look at the sewer which in the middle of the road. I always think what if I drop my key inside of it, what should I do.
I have contorlled my desire of smoking after Masa left. It is the time for myself to recover the mistakes which I had made in my life. I want to be a better person.

Many times, I felt scare and worry about future. But, I don't cry much no more. I understand that crying aren't do anything for me. I save my tears for the happinese moments which will come later. Once, I gave out much and got nothing back; I scared to give after that time. But, I am ready to do it agian; to forget about past hurts and give all my love out to you. Someone said:" Don't be afriad of get hurts agian." Look what have I done, afriad of giving love and end up with hurting others and self.

The fortune-telling said you may feel depressed and undeserving of love, and difficult to be yourself and do what you must, to maintain your relationships and get much-needed emotional support and reinforcement from your loved ones at middle of this summer. I know that you don't believe those things, but still i want to tell you that "go do what you want to, make your own dream come true, don't worry about me. I will always be here for you. If you need to be alone, I won't talk; if you need to be hugged, I will smile."

Future is turtly unknown and scared, but giving up is more scare for me now. I be who I believe is right; you be just the way you are. One step by step , everthing will be alright.

翼の折れた天使たち」～A

人は目に映る分かりやすいモノを信じてします。それが、価値あるモノかも確かめずに…でも、本当に大切なものは身近にある。空気のように見えないけれど、そこにある。

人們會相信眼睛看到的，容易理解的東西，也不確認那是否有價值。但是，真正重要的東西就在身邊，像空氣一樣看不見，但確實存在。

I always scared when you left me alone 'cause I so afraid of losing you. But I didn't know you are always besides me and by my side even your body is miles away from me. You are not gone.

The things that money could buy are not priceless and valuable, the priceless things are not easy to be seem and to be find. Once if you get it, don't let it go. That is what I says to myself every day now.

You are my priceless treasure。

一人で

It's not lonely when I just be with myself.But, it is lonely when I think about you.
I dreamed about you last night. Is that because I missed you before I sleep?

It is always hard to get out of the dream, and find out everything is dream.

I don't want to dreaming about you. I don't want to know you are not beside me. I am into my own fight, wish to dream about you before I sleep and wish I didn't dream about you after I got up.

I am not lonely just by myself. But when every small things remind me about you, I feel lonley as coldest winter.

Just by myself is not a scared thing, the scared thing is once you know the feelings of be with someone you love, and lose it.

I MISS U.